Tag Archives: relationships

Love and Melancholy

I’m just home from a wedding of two of my friends, Emily and Prash. I knew them from when I was at church at St James. It was a really beautiful wedding, but throughout the night I have had an increasing knot in my stomach and a “down” feeling which I can best describe as melancholy.

The most uncomfortable thing is that I don’t know exactly what is causing it – possibly one or a combination of the following things:

– I’ll probably never be in a cultural space where I can get away with wearing a sari
– Em’s family is wonderful. The whole family loves each other so much and so it was bittersweet to see their family shift like this with Em leaving home.
– Seeing all the old St James people again reminded me of great old times. I realised that I really miss the friendships I had with some of them.
– Seeing all the old St James people again reminded me of bad old times when I was on the outer at church, when I didn’t fit in and everyone ignored me.
– Matt is away this weekend and it was pretty lame being there without him.
– Fiona came back for the wedding. It was her first time back in Sydney since she moved to teach in Dubbo. I miss her so much, so it was great to have her back, but deep down it sucks because she is only back temporarily. Soon she will be off again, this time to a permanent job at a high school in Forbes.

Em was beautiful, Prash was beaming, the bridesmaids were beautiful, the groomsmen were fun, the ceremony was wonderful, the music was fantastic, the food was delicious, the families were jubilant, there were lots of old friends from St James and uni to catch up with, and of course, Fi was back. But still something has made me down, deep down. It’s probably more to do with relationships than saris.

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This last week, I’ve been feeling very reflective. Since uni started, man, everything’s been so confusing. I guess there are two main things to say:

1. I am the biggest social klutz
Ok, I may be exaggerating a little, but it’s close to the truth. I’ve made a hash of so many new relationships, you know, people I’ve met at uni and stuff. And I’ve sort of screwed up a few old relationships too. I’ve been looking over the last few months how things have gone with people I know, and generally, it’s all gone pretty weird.

On the flipside:
2. I have become so much closer to God over the last month or two like you wouldn’t believe
Through a combination of Youth Group, Kyckstart, EU, Student Life, a regular bible study… etc
It’s been great, I’ve learnt so much, and it feels wonderful to know that even though I am a moron in many aspects, stuff is still ok, and will continue to be ok.

I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord

By popular demand

Only Single People Can Eat Garlic Bread

I’ve hung around with lots of coupled people in my life
Boyfriends/girlfriends, boyfriends/boyfriends, husbands and wives
Sharing secrets, sharing hugs, their bonds seem made to last
But when we go for pizza, I’m the one who laughs the last

Cause only single people can eat garlic bread
Without the shame of tasting like a shoe
We can’t cause distress
We’ve got no one to impress
You might have love
But we’’e food from above
We send our thoughts of pity out to you

I look at all the couples with fake laughter on their lips
But how do they eat when they’re joined at the mouth?
How do they pee when they’re joined at the hip?
Phone calls to each other in the middle of the night
Cause they’re alone, but I’ll choose sleeping cause I get real tired

And only single people can eat garlic bread
Without the shame of tasting like your feet
We can’t cause distress
We’ve got no one to impress
You might have love
But we’ve food from above
A single person’s life is all complete

My wallet’s uncluttered
No pictures of partners
Who make you buy them presents all year round
No need to write letters
No need to buy flowers
No disappointment when you get let down

Thanks Will and Clare for being awesome song-writing friends.
Haha, if I was feeling bitter still, there could be another verse. There should be another verse, but I have nothing else to say. Clare, write me a verse.
I told my brother about it, and he wants to play it :S How desperate will four loner year 10 guys look singing that song? 😛

Um, myspace is Here. If you have myspace, make me your friend, cause I only have Crying Out Loud as my friend :$. I am on my lonesome. Don’t expect too much from it, it’s the most pointless thing I have seen on the net.

Oh my gosh – Crying Out Loud gig is on April 2. Anyone who is in Sydney and the time and wants to come, tell me cause Mark wants to pre sell tickets. Hehe, my brother is coming 😀
There’d better be a billion people. Come support COL and help them get out of debt 😛

All the money

So as a result of recent events, I realised today I’m on the other side now, the side where valentine’s day isn’t a fantastic day to share with a loved one but a day to mope and feel utterly hopeless. Because, bless the calendar, it throws me a beautiful holiday right at this moment, a fantastic day to sit and reflect on everything I threw away, all this stuff that just doesn’t exist anymore. I still have letters, and I still have phonecalls, and I still have Berkley, but the most important part is gone, and frankly, now is not the greatest time for me to be facing a holiday of love by myself.

Today we went to the Muse for the first time in so long. And it was fantastic. Cause Kate missed seeing her boyfriend cause she was at a bridging course and didn’t get his message. And Nell’s relationship sort of broke down. And Bec’s relationship is weird. And as we sat there feeling bitter about Valentines day, one of the cafe owners came in and started putting up little red hearts on the walls.

So I went to Tracey’s house this evening. And we smothered our pissed-off-ness with the most stupidest movie I’ve ever seen, Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, and then the angstiest movie I’ve ever seen, which was Thirteen.

Arse arse arse. Today is an arse. I feel murderous.