I’m just home from a wedding of two of my friends, Emily and Prash. I knew them from when I was at church at St James. It was a really beautiful wedding, but throughout the night I have had an increasing knot in my stomach and a “down” feeling which I can best describe as melancholy.
The most uncomfortable thing is that I don’t know exactly what is causing it – possibly one or a combination of the following things:
– I’ll probably never be in a cultural space where I can get away with wearing a sari
– Em’s family is wonderful. The whole family loves each other so much and so it was bittersweet to see their family shift like this with Em leaving home.
– Seeing all the old St James people again reminded me of great old times. I realised that I really miss the friendships I had with some of them.
– Seeing all the old St James people again reminded me of bad old times when I was on the outer at church, when I didn’t fit in and everyone ignored me.
– Matt is away this weekend and it was pretty lame being there without him.
– Fiona came back for the wedding. It was her first time back in Sydney since she moved to teach in Dubbo. I miss her so much, so it was great to have her back, but deep down it sucks because she is only back temporarily. Soon she will be off again, this time to a permanent job at a high school in Forbes.
Em was beautiful, Prash was beaming, the bridesmaids were beautiful, the groomsmen were fun, the ceremony was wonderful, the music was fantastic, the food was delicious, the families were jubilant, there were lots of old friends from St James and uni to catch up with, and of course, Fi was back. But still something has made me down, deep down. It’s probably more to do with relationships than saris.